Attaining Transcendence in Ultramarathons
MY father once asked me, “why do you run 10 km? You are not Manny Pacquiao, you know.” I replied, “exactly, Tatay, I run 10 km because I am not Manny Pacquiao.” This was in 2016 when not only my dad was worried about me hitting 10 km every now and then, on the streets of London. Mum was also scared that something sinister would happen to their first-born if he persisted with his “madness” of running. My brother, sister, and brother-in-law were in the same boat as my parents. “I am gonna chain you Manong,” bro-in-law par excellence Helbert warned me in 2017 as I was intent to run Rome and Paris back-to-back, with only a week’s difference in-between. Of course Paris did not happen as a follow up to Rome as I was beset by a chest infection that week, wasting my Eurostar tickets. “I have read somewhere that doing a lot of marathons is also bad for you,” Attorney Anfred, my dear brother chided me when his turn came. “And which publication is it, bro?,” I sincerely asked. All I got was silence for an answer. A consultant haematologist I was working with even threatened me with a stem cell transplant for my joints if I keep up with my “marathon lifestyle.” “The human body, Arvin, is not designed to run 13 miles, more so with the 26.2 miles!” a colleague nurse specialist on one hand, preached over across her desk (read: pulpit). “Although I must admit I love eating butter all the time,” she added (I do not know why she had to put that forward?). Two superstar marathoner friends from Down Under—well that should include New Zealand where one of them hails from—almost choked in their lager in Berlin last 2017 when they found out I already ran 4 marathons in that year, only having started in February, with two more left in the offing. Mind you, these two can run marathons at sub-3 hours and are much more prudent in organising their running diary. Interpret it as not enlisting in more than 3 or 4 marathons in 12 months to make sure your running time and output are fantastic. Great dudes but not as mad as me.
Yes, it is so nice to be loved by this bunch of lovely people I call family, friends, and colleagues who understandably either fear (or feared) the 10 km-distance and consider the 26.2 miles so sacred that it must only be tackled in a certain prescribed regimen. Yet, the magnet that is the ultramarathon just sustained its constant and gradual pull towards me. I had no choice but to gravitate into its beautiful universe.
At first I was doubting myself, wondering how on earth did I land into such sphere of running? My past as a “non-athlete” continued to cast its shadow on me, despite having done multiple marathons already, with a number of them I completed in less than 4 hours.
Culprit number 1 is Ed Maple who does not stop talking about trail ultras, complemented by Mike Jensen and further bolstered by “Master” John Diamante. Even Ate Betty Foggitt was a factor. I would never ever forget that day when she said, “I prefer trail ultras as I am not pressured to do a PB (personal best).” And then came the Tres Amigos of Dublin—Rolando Espina, Jivee Tolentino, and Rex Brillantes and their queen Leah Palado. “Just finish it happy. Matic na yan,” Rex told me once. Plus the gangs of Italy led by Jacob How and Rei Collado as well as the Athens connection with Haidee Palacpac, Julius Trinidad, and Oliver Aronica came into fore. And as of late, Mylene Ugali-Elliott. All keen long-distance runners. I think I was just in the right circle of runners/ mates at the perfect time. A classic case of positive conditioning. Being a philosophical being, I believe this was not a coincidence. A great purpose must be behind this wonderful life occurrence, more so when you have reached your 40s—in my case, battle-scarred, humbled, but ripened and readied for a higher experience.
I remember being so obsessed with achieving milestones in my marathons before; meaning to always finish sub-4 hours, among others, despite the circumstances the morning of your race, including the state of your bowels. I was addicted to the joys of garnering record highs or PB’s that sometimes, I would be so upset thinking I did not perform well enough. There were perceived negative feedbacks that were unhealthy to my self-worth as a runner even after completing a difficult marathon-like probably eating too much carbs or sweets, lacking sleep, not enough training, or drinking too much alcohol. Yes, these could indeed adversely affect one’s performance. Yet, I was feeling too constrained. There must be a way to liberation. I was pining for that detachment to free me. Ultrarunning has given me that.
I have fallen in love with ultrarunning—its ethos, people, culture. These are more relaxed, understanding, and accommodating for me. I can easily relate to its community’s life experiences. The tougher courses seem a metaphorical representation of life’s constant battles we must win in order to survive. It is a warfare you must strategise effectively. I have observed, admired and would love to absorb the single-mindedness and steeliness of these ultrarunners to smash the mountains or hills before them, the very long stretch of the race course over the horizon, the tougher conditions prevailing at present, etc. They seemed more bothered about doing these than gretting a PB.
Although there is not much of a difference between the personality traits of an ultrarunner and a marathoner (McCutcheon and Yoakum 1983), ultrarunners seem to compete more for life’s meaning than their shorter distance counterparts (Waskiewicz et al. 2019). Ultrarunners are more concerned about belongingness, nature, and life (Waskiewicz et al. 2019). Central themes in ultras are perseverance/ persistence, overcoming adversity, perspective, life experience, use of psychological skills, and camaraderie (Jaeschke et al 2016). These are just the elements that are up my street in my current standing! They strike the right cord. Friendships, enjoyment of nature amidst your painful run, and greater self-awareness are the milestones I am now after in my runs.
I have reached that point in my humble running career where I can let go of the competition or rivalry. Indeed, there are people who are much stronger, sexier, and faster than me. It turned out that the only arch-rival I have is my old self that I need to constantly renew in the repetitive process of running, even in a distance that breaches the 26.2 mile-mark.
Delving into ultrarunning has allowed me to see myself clearer—strengths and weaknesses, all. I have learned to celebrate my strengths and whatever achievements in a race event. I can even allow myself to be shattered by my imperfections to enable rejuvenation without fearing ridicule or insults. “Well done Kuya for having your first 50 miler qualifier,” Mylene reassured me during the recent Leviathon 50 Mile Ultra. “Hello, of course walking is fine when you tackle 80 km,” Ed said to me.
The long arduous runs have been a cycle of destruction-regrowth-destruction-regrowth, akin to the fabled phoenix. And it is heartwarming to know that my family, friends, and colleagues are no longer fussing about me. “I think you have found your niche,” my friend Kevin told me.
Binoy Panes
20/09/20 0300 H
London, England, GB
